My Chains are Gone

Amazing grace
How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost, but now I'm found
Was blind, but now I see
'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear
And grace my fears relieved
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed
My chains are goneI've been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy reigns
Unending love, Amazing grace
The Lord has promised good to me
His word my hope secures
He will my shield and portion be
As long as life endures
The earth shall soon dissolve like snow
The sun forbid to shine
But God, Who called me here below
Will be forever mine
Will be forever mine
You are forever mine

Even since giving my life to Christ, I've felt like there were times when I was living in bondage again. Lately, that's been the emotion I've had. I've felt as if something were wrong, as if the perverbial gears just weren't in synch and everything I did just felt off--especially my relationship with Will. Tonight at church I realized that I needed to be set free from my selfish desires and allow God's mercy and grace to cover me once more and surrender it all back to him again. I guess my blog yesterday was me on the brink, in need of God to step in and hold me. The last song before Perry's sermon (an unexpected Celine Dion ballad) really just blew me away and showed me that I had not been the the helper for Will that God has called me to be. The Power of Love was the song. The lyrics that really got me were these

Even though there may be times
It seems Im far away
Never wonder where I am
cause I am always by your side
cause I am your lady
And you are my man
Whenever you reach for me
Ill do all that I can

And I am his lady, but I haven't done all that I can when he reaches for me. I've been standing in his way, at best. I've been begging for his attention becase I wouldn't look to my Lord and Savior to fulfill me. I need accountability and I need my God to ransom me.
Tonight I also realized that I need a really strong woman of God to be my mentor and to disciple me. I cannot look to Will to show me how to be a better woman of God. Yes, he can lead me and point me to Jesus, and he does, but he cannot demonstrate to me how to live out Proverbs 31. So, if you read this and you pray...please pray that God places a great example in my life and pray that I love my fiance the way God intended love to be. Pray that I don't ask anything of him, and that I serve him and point him to Jesus constantly. Pray that I no longer rely on myself and that my pride just melts like snow. I'm out.