I'm Just Me

Have you ever felt God's calling in such a strong and unexplainable way that it brought tears to your eyes? You see something and you just feel it, at the center of who you are--you feel a tug on your heart. I know that God has called me to teach English. There is no doubt about that. A lot of my friends have other callings; some of them being foreign missions. So, this morning (in my state of boredom) I started investigating different mission opportunities that several of my friends have mentioned, only to accidentally come upon one that grabbed my heart in such a way that I seriously had tears in my eyes. I've never done that before, so undoubtedly when that first tear rolled down my cheek, I was like "WHAT in the WORLD?!" Just in case you are wondering, this is what grabbed me--the chance to teach overseas or in South America.
This is the point when I started talking back to God. It went a little something like this, "Lord, I'm just a country girl from Pickens with plans graduate from college and teach at a small high school or middle school in South Carolina. I have to teach in South Carolina for four years to pay back my Teaching Fellows scholarship. I'm just me. How could I ever relate to people from a foreign country?" Then I shut up because the more I read the more I realized how much bigger God is than my plans for me. I found another set of pearls that I don't want to let go of--my future. I have plans for myself, but God has bigger and more amazing plans than I could ever dream of. This shouldn't be scary to me.
This is where I share a little bit more that shows how God's plans are so much bigger than mine. As of right now, if I were to take two summer classes next summer I could graduate a semester early. However, with the extra hours I would have if I were to stay for that final semester, I could possibly earn a minor. I actually considered a Spanish minor...and now God is calling me to use my teaching in places I never imagined. WOW. This excites me! It excites me so much that I just want to start planning everything...then I realize that it's not up to me. This is God's vision. He'll clarify more if I patiently wait on Him. Seriously, look at how He used my boredom this morning. He's using the desires of my heart to fulfill His plan for me in ways I never thought possible. CRAZY!!! After all that, I'm extremely speechless. So, with that, I'm out.

Praxis

After three hours in the testing center today, I passed the writing and reading part of the PRAXIS I! WOOHOO In three weeks I'll get the results back for the writing portion. Just thought I would share that little tidbit...thanks for the prayers! With that I'm out like the sun, cuz it is BLAZIN today!

What Are Your Pearls?

Jenny's Pearl Necklace

The cheerful girl with bouncy golden curls was almost five. Waiting with her mother at the checkout stand, she saw them: a circle of glistening white pearls in a pink foil box.
"Oh please, Mommy. Can I have them? Please, Mommy, please!" Quickly the mother checked the back of the little foil box and then looked back into the pleading blue eyes of her little girl's upturned face.
"A dollar ninety-five. That's almost $2. If you really want them, I'll think of some extra chores for you and in no time you can save enough money to buy them yourself. Your birthday's only a week away and you might get another crisp dollar bill from Grandma." As soon as Jenny got home, she emptied her piggy bank and counted out 17 pennies. After dinner, she did more than her share of chores. She went to the neighbor, Mrs. McJames, and asked if she could pick dandelions for ten cents. On her birthday, Grandma did give her another new dollar bill and at last she had enough money to buy the necklace.
Jenny loved her pearls. They made her feel dressed up and grown up. She wore them everywhere--Sunday school, kindergarten, even to bed. The only time she took them off was when she went swimming or had a bubble bath. Mother had told her that if they got wet, they might turn her neck green.
Jenny had a very loving daddy and every night when she was ready for bed, he would stop whatever he was doing and come upstairs to read her a story. One night when he finished the story, he asked Jenny, "Do you love me?"
"Oh yes, Daddy. You know that I love you."
"Then may I have your pearls?"
"Oh, Daddy, not my pearls. But you can have Princess--the white horse from my collection. The one with the pink tail. Remember, Daddy? The one you gave me. She's my favorite."
"That's okay, honey. Daddy loves you. Good night." And he brushed her cheek with a kiss.
About a week later, after the story time, Jenny's daddy asked again, "Do you love me?"
"Daddy, you know I love you."
"Then will you give me your pearls?"
"Oh, Daddy, not my pearls. But you can have my baby doll. The brand new one I got for my birthday. She is so beautiful and you can have the yellow blanket that matches her sleeper."
"That's okay, Honey. Sleep well. God bless you, little one. Daddy loves you." And as always, he brushed her cheek with a gentle kiss. A few nights later when her daddy came in, Jenny was sitting on her bed with her legs crossed Indian-style. As he came close, he noticed her chin was trembling and one silent tear rolled down her cheek.
"What is it, Jenny? What's the matter?"
Jenny didn't say anything but lifted her little hand up to her daddy. When she opened it, there was her little pearl necklace. With a little quiver, she finally said, "Here, Daddy. It's for you." With tears gathering in his own eyes, Jenny's kind daddy reached out with one hand to take the prized necklace. With the other hand he reached into his pocket and pulled out a blue velvet case. He handed the handsome velvet case to Jenny and told her, "Thank you for giving me your most prized possesion that you even saved for all by yourself. Here Honey, I have this for you also. I wanted to trade you, but I was going to give these to you tonight either way."
As Jenny pryed open the blue velvet box, so nice a thing itself she'd never known, the glistening white sheen of the rich genuine pearls struck her teary eyes.

All of that said to say this; imagine yourself as Jenny and God as Jenny's dad. To show we love God, sometimes we have to open up our hand and let something go--only for God to place His best in our possession. Tonight after spending time with some Godsent friends of mine I realized that God is calling me to let something go. To be honest, God is calling me to let go of a crush (Yes, I am still a silly little girl with a crush). It dawned on me on the ride home tonight. Earlier today I read part of Captivating by John and Stasi Eldridge that showed me more about the role of woman. In Genesis, Eve is referred to in Hebew as the ezer kenegdo which has been translated to mean "helper" or "companion" or "help meet"-whatever that's supposed to mean. But what John and Stasi emphasize is that further studies of the word ezer have shown that it is only used twenty other times in the Bible, each time referring to the lifesaving power of God that we are desperate for. While ezer means desperately needed help, kenegdo is translated as alongside, opposite, or counterpart. So, what I got from this is that woman's role is to encourage and give the man in her life the help that he desperately needs to grow in Christ. Tonight it struck me that I could not be this for my said crush (not because I'm not a woman of God or that I'm not good enough, but because we are at two different places in our lives and in our walks with Christ). He deserves an ezer kenegdo, a woman who is uniquely capable of helping him grow daily in his walk with Christ. So my prayer tonight is that God continues to reveal His divine vision for me daily and that my ex-crush will be blessed with an amazing woman who can serve him and help him be the amazing man of God that I know he is capable of being. It's definitely going to be a challenge to give that up, but sometimes you just have to let go of the pearls. With that, I'm out like the lights, b/c I'm up way too late.

BLAH

I cannot wait until tonight. Do you ever just have a lousy day? Today is one of those days. I woke up only to turn off my alarm and fall back asleep...to wake up again to a different alarm--severe pain in my lower stomach. Mom discovered me curled up in a ball about ten minutes after I woke and made an appointment w/ Doctor Debbie who sent me to my favorite place in the world--and I mean that with the sincerist sarcasm, Easley Baptist Medical Center, for a procedure that called for my bladder to be full for an entire hour while a lady pressed on my stomach. NOT FUN! Only to wait for the results tomorrow that I already know what the outcome is going to be because I've been through this whole process before. FRUSTRATION! (Side note-don't worry it's nothing life threatening, or life changing...just a little minor thing that can be cleared up with some meds...but it is painful, so pray for me) Luckily, my friend Brittney called just in the nick of time to volunteer to join me in a voyage to downtown G-vegas; the get-away much needed after today. So when Brit gets off work @ 5, my day will be on its way to melting away in a nice steamy cup of java and classic conversation. Thank God for coffee and friends. With that...I'm out like my patience BEFORE my cup of coffee.

Rareness

Just thought I would share that for a good laugh! This is the first, last, and only picture of me as a cheerleader at the chubby cheeked age of 7. This is a rare find, so enjoy.

Speaking of rare finds, I must say that I am SO blessed with the most amazing friends. Last night I began to realize how God has strategically placed amazing people in my life at the exact moment that He intended. I have guy friends who are absolutely amazing--guys who pay me compliments and protect me as a sister in Christ. I have amazing girl friends who are always there for me with an ear to listen and arms wide open. I am truly blessed with some absolutely amazing friends. I know I always have someone to lean on. On that, I'm out like Neil Diamond.

The Dance

I've recently discovered that my walk with God isn't exactly a walk, it's more of a dance. God wants to take the lead and move me to the rhythm of His grace. However, there are times when it is hard for me to allow Him to lead because I want to go a different direction than He wants to take me, or He wants to dip me into His will and I'm just not ready or willing. When I try to take the lead I mess up the dance and make my life look like a one legged ostrich on crack doing the hokey pokey to the musical stylings of Neil Diamond. Even though I do mess up the dance, God wants to make my life as beautiful as it possibly can be. Isn't it awesome to think that God loves me so much that He wants to dance with me everyday for the rest of my life. I love to dance, so this is a beautiful thought for me. With that...I'm out like that one legged ostrich in a dance competition.

Random Babblings

Note the pug in this picture...this will be me next Thursday just before I take the Praxis I. This very expensive test partially determines my acceptance into the College of Education @ Anderson U. Pray that God will grant me peace about this and that I will pass this stinking thing the first time so that I don't have to pay to take it again. Preesh!
Anywho...I was just reading my friend Brittney's blog and of all things, she had a list. If you read my previous blog The List, then you know I am obsessed with lists. It's my lunch break, I am bored...and so I am stealing Brit's idea and making a list much like the one on her blog. Her list consisted of her favorite lyrics from various songs. So...this is my list. Feel free to comment if you like the lyrics and would like to know the song or artist.

Painted skies, I've seen so many that cannot compare to your ocean eyes.

I see heaven in your eyes And feel God movin in this room Ain't love the greatest gift of all Ain't it amazing what desire can do

Spread wide in the arms of Christ is the love that covers sin No greater love have I ever known You considered me a friend Capture my heart again

As I look off into the distance Watching the sun roll on by Beautiful colors all around me, oh Painted all over the sky The same hands that created all of this They created you and I What a beautiful God

Who Am I, that the voice that calmed the sea Would call out through the rain And calm the storm in me

I thought I could resist you I thought that I was strong Somehow you were different from what I've known I didn't see you coming You took me by surprise and You stole my heart before I could say no

Do you like midnight dancing, soaked in fireflies, laced with moonlight, hidden in the night?

She's the kind of girl who let's music do the talking, she dances while she's walking next to me

Filling pages with the same old secrets I still want just you Blackbird on a lonely wire do you think about me too

As the ruby in the setting As the fruit upon the tree As the wind blows over the plains So are you to me

You changed it all You broke down the wall When I spoke and confessed In You I'm blessed Now I walk in the light In victorious sight of You

On the edge of the world She'd rather jump than just look down

Look in my eyes, what do you see? Not just the color Look inside of me

I bet you never had a clue But I'd do anything to be with you I'd leave this place in a heartbeat I'd move away from my sweet home Just to be your faithful tag-along I'd follow you forever

Hope you enjoyed my sparatic ramblings today. I'm a bit ADD at the moment, but what's new, right? With that, I'm out like my adderall. ( I don't really take adderall, but if I did, the way I'm acting right now would be how I would act when it is out...just in case you were wondering.)

Pressure Washing Prayer

Lately, I've been asking God to change my attitude about dating and to show me what I was doing wrong because I know that the way I look at dating and my whole approach to the issue is totally out of whack. So, this morning, while I was pressure washing @ work--yes, I was pressure washing--I was praying that God would show me how to glorify Him in all that I do when God revealed to me that this is where I was going wrong--I've been dating to satisfy myself. I should take each date as an opporunity to show someone the love of God and to point them towards Jesus rather than myself. So that was definitely a breath of fresh air. This also helped me to realize why God is still waiting to allow someone special to cross my path. He is still teaching me so many things about Himself and how I can better serve Him. Wow...maybe I should pressure wash more often. With that, I'm out like bell bottom jeans.

The List

Yes, this is my second blog of the day, but I feel it necessary to make up for lost time when I skipped a week of writing. Besides, I am a blog writing fiend. While being a blog writing fiend, I am a list writing queen. I make lists when I'm bored. One such list started at the beginning of last semester. I took the list with me to class each day and when I got bored I would day dream and add more to the list. "What is this list?" You may be asking yourself right now. This list, it is THE LIST of all lists. This is the list of things that make me smile. Things I love. More could probably be added, but this is the sum total of things I placed on my list throughout this semester. With no further adieu, I give you THE LIST (in no particular order, except for the first one):

I ♥ JESUS, Gieco commercials, French Vanilla capuccino, volleyball, reading, wild flowers, hiking, mountains, beaches, Matthew McCaughnehey, 4-wheeling, flip-flops, picnics, Brewsters ice cream, kids, golf, Clemson, fleece blankets, YOUTH MINISTRY, Reeces, Will Hoge, giraffes, Burt's Beeswax, Goodwill, cobalt blue, big trucks, Applebees, hands, beta fish, flat pillows, antiques, Mork & Mindy, small towns, drawing, downtown G-Vegas, beagles, acoustic guitars, unique picture frames, concerts, bottle caps, coffee houses, MY Atlanta Braves, sunglasses, camouflage, painting, frisbee golf, gaudy earrings, summer thunderstorms, football, t-shirts, breakfast, Texas Hold 'Em, random greeting cards, the lake, Chick-fil-a biscuits, The Price is Right, individuality, swings, peanut butter cookies, handkerchiefs, TJ Maxx, lap tops, bargains, Aquafina, Scrabble, learning, purses, shoes, Redbull, seahorses, Carhartts, laughing, baseball caps, Alf, battle scars, accents, onomatopoeia, ultimate frisbee, rollercoasters, English, Shakespeare, Granny Smith apples, Shel Silverstein, TEACHING, poetry, worship, new car smell, Old Spice deodorant, memories, decorating, Dirty Dancing, a clear night sky, my friends, inside jokes, writing, smiling, White Cherry Blossom by Bath & Body Works, ZZ Top, and LOVE!

If you read through that, I applaud you! I hope you enjoyed my random boredom inspired list for Spring Semester '06 @ good ol' Anderson U. Maybe there will be another boredom inspired list for Fall Semester '06. We shall see. Until next time, stay classy San Diego...I mean I'm out like the feeling in my rear end from sitting here long enough to type that list.

Blog Stalker

I am officially a blog stalker. It started off innocent enough--I would simply read the blogs of the people I knew. Then, it spread to the people's blog's listed on my friends pages. And now I have become addicted. Anyway...while I was giving in to this new found addiction today I came across the blog of a guy named Ben. I don't even know him or how I ended up at his blog, it just happened through my course of "blog jumping". After reading a few of his entries I realized how God was speaking to me through his blog. Something he had written just struck a chord with me. It went a little something like this:
"I've said it before, but I don't think God wants us to worry about relationships, or finding a wife/husband, girlfriend/boyfriend. I just don't. To me, walking alone means freeing oursleves to focus on God's vision for our lives, instead of focusing on making a relationship work. And if God wants us to be with the other person, then He will make our paths cross at the right time and place. Pretty simple..."
I pray that God will bless me with this attitude. I want to be completely satisfied with God and consumed with Him; rather than straying off the path to attempt to enjoy someone or something that might be a detour, I want to stay on the beautiful road God has chosen for me so that I can glorify Him in all that I do.
While I have struggles here and there, I have to say that God is doing some amazing things in my life right now:
1. I used to struggle with my confidence, but now I have friends that are constantly encouraging me. They are such a blessing, I love you guys!
2. I prayed that God would surround my sister with Jesus-loving friends and after two visits to Ignite, God has done that.
3. My mom and I used to argue, a lot--but God is teaching me daily how to serve and love my mom rather than argue with her.
4. My home group is one of the most amazing groups of women I have ever met. God has blessed me with accountability and people who can help me grow in my walk.
5. God is constantly speaking to me, even in the most random ways and random moments. He rocks my face off!
The list could pretty much go on forever. I serve an awesome God. There is nothing like the joy He gives me! On that, I'm out--like me when 4:30 rolls around!

I DISLIKE JUNIPER

This is juniper. It is the plant world equivalent of satan, I'm thoroughly convinced. Let me explain. To make some money this summer my dad so graciously decided to give me a job. My understanding was that I would be answering phones and doing busy work entering bills, etc.-your typical secretary. Little did I know that I would soon become the go-fer, the landscaper, the cleaning lady, AND the secretary. Who knew I could be so versatile?
Today was landscaping day. So, I've been outside all morning cleaning out the flower bed beside their 18-wheeler dock-aka weed city. Upon removing all of the weeds I realized that the flower bed had been overtaken by the juniper and it's running roots. Thus, I began to attempt to pull it up. Impossible. Next I took the shovel and jammed it underneath attempting to pull it up by that method-no good either. Lastly, I took the shears and cut the problem off at the root. During all this I began to think about how life is a lot like that flower bed. When left alone without the touch of a gardener, things get out of hand and overrun by weeds and roots. When our life isn't touched my the One who tends our garden, we get overrun by sin and everything that has the potential to be beautiful becomes an ugly mess. Thank God for shears! And thank God for lunch...I'm out like the weeds I got rid of this morning!

20-Something

Thus far in my life I have come to the conclusion that the age of 20 is the most confusing, pivotal, crazy, & amazing year of your life. Confusing-there are so many decisions to make in this year of life-college major, relationships, lifestyle choices, moral decisions...you name, you're probably deciding it at this age. Pivotal-due to the confusing choices and decisions aforementioned, I think that this one is already explained. Crazy- this is the age when you begin to realize you are growing up all of a sudden, therefore there are times when you revert back to your childish ways and attempt to have as much fun as possible before you have to become a real adult. Amazing-friendships are born, new paths are chosen, adventure is at your fingertips...being 20 isn't all that bad; sometimes scary, but not all that bad. Looking back over the last 3 years I realize what a difference a year makes. I spend time with people who are a few years ahead of me and sometimes I feel as if I can relate and others, I feel like I am totally lost; all part of growing up, I guess. I'm just so thankful that I am a 20 year old who knows Jesus. If it weren't for God's guidance and hand in my life...I would be one messed up individual. On that, I'm out like the Diet Green Tea with Citrus because I'm about to drink the last one (mwuahahahahaha).

Poetic Musings

Here's a rough copy of my thoughts today poured into the mold of a slightly impromptu poem.

As I sit here today
Surrounded by walls

That are papered so gray
I wonder

Much bigger than mine
God has a plan
He holds my future
In the palm of His hand
And I trust Him
Still I wonder

Is the desire of my heart
One divinely planted
Or is this temptation?
I can’t take for granted
But I trust Him
Yet I wonder

Who can love
Someone ragged as me
Even though I am
A daughter of the King
I trust this
And still wonder

Is there a prince
Who can see past the sin
That covers my crown
And pulls me down again
I wonder

And while I wonder
This I know
Grace covers me
Makes me white as snow
His majesty is seen
He shines through it all
And gives me wings
So I don’t have to fall
So I trust Him
While I wonder

It's still a rough copy-many things to edit about it. Yet, it still provides a since of the scrambled thoughts I have today. So scrambled. Anywho...I'm out like Lee McD @ the Carpentar's Cellar tonight (don't miss it, even thought I'm going to).

Song of the Day

Check out Save Yourself here.

Gotta Have Faith

Will I believe you when you say
Your hand will guide my every way
Will I receive the words You say
Every moment of every day
Well I will walk by faith
Even when I cannot see
because this broken road
Prepares Your will for me
--"Walk by Faith" Jeremy Camp

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all of your heart." Jeremiah 29:11-13

It's such a comfort to know that my Father has a plan for me. A plan that is greater than I could ever ask or imagine. Yet, daily I try to go on with my own plan for my life. I'm constantly trying to take control and, being the stubborn being that I am, constantly falling flat on my face for trying to go at things alone. It's amazing how different a relationship or a decision can be when God's hand is in it. He has truly shown me this week that I am weak without Him and I cannot do this on my own. This is my struggle. Faith. Pray for me, that I will have faith in God's plan for me rather than taking matters into my own hands. I don't want to settle for mediocrity. I want to glorify God in all that I do. 'Preciate the prayers in advance! On that, I'm out like the weakest link...GOODBYE!

A little jolt never hurt anybody

Do you ever just feel like that little kid that knows not to stick a paper clip in the light socket b/c mom said it was wrong. Not until you get that jolt that shows you just how right mom was do you realize that you knew it was going to hurt all along. Well, right now, I sort of feel like that little kid. Only this isn't the first time I've gone and gotten myself shocked.
I'm horrible at relationships. ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE. I've tried so much to defend myself from the enemy, but it's no use. I haven't allowed God to be my spiritual fortress, so my defenses are down. Rather than hiding my heart in God, I've left the poor thing dangling on my sleeve. Just when I thought that I was growing so strong in my walk with God, speeding down the spiritual highway...I allow myself to get caught up and throw the thing reverse without lifting my foot off the gas. That spells disaster. That's why I'm still up at almost midnight. Rather than whispering in my ear telling me to stop what I'm doing, God is all up in my grill tonight. Thanks God, I definitely needed that jolt! On that note...I'm out like MC Hammer's money.

Hello Stranger!

It's definitely been 10 days since my last blog. I went on vacay last week to Chucktown so I've been out of comission for about a week. Sorry to those who missed me....and sorry to disappoint, however, I just finished cutting the grass around my dad's shop so, I'm not in a very creative/writing/blogging mood. Just wanted to let my readers know I didn't fall off of the face of the earth. When I get into the blogging mood I will be sure to leave you faithful blog stalkers some juicy tidbits about my adventures over the past week. Until then, I'm out like my energy after driving the Kabota tractor all morning.